Ill-Timed Theology
by WinterSky101
Summary: In which the Grandmaster wants to know more about Ass-whatever, and Loki just wants to get laid. Loki/Grandmaster.


Loki was, not to be too self-congratulatory, very good at sex.

He had a great deal of experience, in a variety of forms, with partners of as many genders as you could imagine. He'd been told by many people that sex with him was quite an experience. It was an experience he enjoyed taking part in as much as his partners, so Loki had never really seen a reason _not_ to have sex with anyone who was attractive and willing.

But, despite that, it's been a _long_ time since Loki's had sex with anyone.

First, there was his fall into the Void, then his torture at the hands of Thanos, then his ill-fated coup of Midgard and subsequent stay in Asgard's dungeons. Even after he gained his freedom, he didn't partake in sex; he refused to dishonor Frigga's memory by sleeping with anyone in Odin's form, and the thought of having sex with anyone in the body of his false-father was a rather unappealing one anyway. So when Loki crash-landed on Sakaar, it had been quite a while. It wasn't all that surprising that he hadn't minded when the best way to rise through the ranks was to sleep his way through them.

And oh, it had been worth it once he got to the top. Not only was the protection of the Grandmaster more than enough to keep Loki from harm, but he was also one of the best lovers Loki had ever had. Even Lorelei hadn't been quite as impressive, despite how much of a seductress she could be. The Grandmaster was able to do things that Loki wouldn't have thought could be done, and that was just in the foreplay. The sex itself was almost enough to make Loki lose his head completely. It was truly amazing.

The only problem was that the Grandmaster was very easily distracted.

Loki worked hard to make sure that the Grandmaster wasn't distracted by other people - he couldn't let anyone usurp his position - but it was much harder to make sure the Grandmaster wasn't distracted by other _things_. He liked to play games, both sexual ones and decidedly non-sexual ones. Loki once spent an entire night playing checkers, much to the Grandmaster's glee. Loki hadn't enjoyed it anywhere near as much, especially considering he'd lost every single game.

But as time passed, Loki figured out the things to do to make the Grandmaster focus on his arousal again. If he touched him in a certain place, or kissed just the right spot on his neck, then Loki normally got his way.

Except this time, both Loki _and_ the Grandmaster were distracted, as little as Loki wanted to admit it. All Loki wanted was for the Grandmaster to help him get his mind off the fact that Thor had showed up, but instead, all the Grandmaster wanted to do was talk about Asgard.

"So," the Grandmaster said, lounging on the bed next to Loki, who was trying to look as alluring as possible in a sheer robe and little else, "tell me about this ass place. Ass-guard?"

"Asgard," Loki corrected. "And really, it's quite dull. I can think of many other things we could do that would be far more entertaining."

"What does it look like?" the Grandmaster asked, ignoring Loki completely. "Anything like Sakaar?"

Well, Loki reflected, if he indulged him a little, then maybe the Grandmaster would be willing to indulge Loki in turn. "Not much, no," he replied. "Asgard is a huge golden city, set between the mountains, on the edge of a waterfall."

"Wow," the Grandmaster said, looking impressed. "Sounds nice."

"It is… lovely," Loki admitted. "But its loveliness pales in comparison to yours, Grandmaster."

The Grandmaster looked very pleased at the compliment. "You always know just what to say, don't you?" he said. Loki moved forward a little, hoping for an opening, and then the Grandmaster slammed the door on him when he said, "Is everyone on Ass-whatever like that?"

"I believe myself to be uniquely charming," Loki said in a sultry voice.

"I bet you do," the Grandmaster replied. "But your brother seemed kinda charming too. In a very yell-y way."

Loki fought to keep a scowl from twisting his face. "Adopted brother," he corrected automatically.

"Right, you said," the Grandmaster said. "Is there a bit of, uh, tension there? Kinda seems like there's some tension."

"Of a sort," Loki replied. He leaned forward a little. "Grandmaster, Thor really isn't the person I want to be thinking about right now."

"Oh?" the Grandmaster said, a spark of mischief in his eyes. "Then who _would_ you like to be thinking about?"

Loki leaned forward a little more and pressed a kiss to the Grandmaster's jaw, right at the spot where he knew the Grandmaster was very sensitive. "Guess."

The Grandmaster melted a little, as Loki had expected, and then took his revenge by sliding his hands over Loki's bare skin, using just enough force that Loki could really feel his touch. "And what sort of things do you want to think about me doing?" the Grandmaster asked, leaning in to whisper it right in Loki's ear.

"I want you to-" The Grandmaster's hands slid down to Loki's ass and Loki's voice choked off. "I want you to-" he tried again, but then the Grandmaster leaned down and started pressing gentle kisses to Loki's thighs. "Oh, _Norns_ ," Loki gasped.

The Grandmaster looked up at him, but this time with a curious expression instead of a sultry one. It took Loki a moment to recognize the change.

"What are those?" he asked. "Norns. Are they something from your ass place?"

"What?" Loki blinked down at the Grandmaster.

"Exactly," he replied. "What are the Norns?"

Loki gaped. The Grandmaster's hands were still curled around the backs of his thighs, and his face was still tauntingly close to Loki's waiting cock, and he wanted to talk about the _Norns_?

"Is this really the time for a theology lesson?" he finally asked.

The Grandmaster sat up a little, moving his hands away from Loki's thighs. Loki bemoaned the loss. "So they're like your gods? But your brother seemed to think he was a god."

"He is," Loki said, resigning himself to the fact that apparently he was going to spend his night discussing theology instead of having sex. Thor ruined _everything_. "The Æsir are gods, but the Norns control the fates."

"The what-seer?" the Grandmaster asked.

"Æsir," Loki repeated. "The people of Asgard."

"So you and your brother?"

Loki couldn't quite keep the scowl off his face this time. "Like Thor, yes, but not like me."

"Oh," the Grandmaster said, nodding. "Is this where the adopted thing comes in?"

Loki honestly wasn't sure there was any way, in all the languages the Allspeak allowed him to use, to describe how little he wanted to be having this conversation. "Thor is an ǫ́ss," he said simply. "I am a jötunn."

"What's a yo-ton?"

"Jötunn," Loki corrected. "A frost giant. They're another race, from the realm Jötunheim."

"Frost giant, huh?" The Grandmaster looked Loki up and down, but in an unfortunately unsexy way. "You're not much of a giant."

Loki almost dropped his glamour, but if he did, he knew the Grandmaster would probably demand another night of magic displays, and those were very difficult to turn sexy. Loki also thought he should probably save his magic; now that Thor had arrived, he had the feeling he was going to need it.

"I was a runt," he said instead. "My birth family abandoned me to die, so Odin took me in and raised me as his own."

"Odin?"

"Thor's father." Loki pushed all thoughts of Odin out of his head and leaned a little closer to the Grandmaster. "To think, if he hadn't, I would have died on that frozen wasteland and never come here to meet you, Grandmaster. What a sad universe that would have been."

"Mmm," the Grandmaster agreed, leaning a little forward himself. Loki silently celebrated. He just had to keep the topic on sex, and then-

"Tell me more about your Ass-place."

So much for _that_.

"It is a beautiful realm," Loki said. "What more would you know?"

"The, uh, seer people? Whatever they're called?"

"Æsir."

"Yeah, those. Are they all gods of things, like your brother?"

"No, not all of them. Some, though."

"Are you the god of something?"

 _Lies._ "There were some who called me the God of Mischief," Loki offered.

The Grandmaster giggled a little. "I bet they did. Did you deserve it?"

"Oh, undoubtedly." Loki slid a little closer to the Grandmaster. He was nothing if not persistent. "I could be terribly naughty indeed."

"Could you?" the Grandmaster asked, one hand resting on Loki's thigh.

"Would you like me to show you how?" Loki asked, putting his own hand much higher on the Grandmaster's thigh.

"Mmm," the Grandmaster hummed, half agreement and half arousal. Loki leaned forward and kissed him hard, the way he knew the Grandmaster liked it, and grinned against the Grandmaster's lips when he felt the Grandmaster kiss back.

Loki was very good at getting his way.

Some time later, when they were both lying naked on the Grandmaster's huge bed with a blanket draped haphazardly over their legs, the Grandmaster walked his fingers across Loki's chest and looked up at him. "Where would you rather be?" he asked. "Ass-whatever, or here?"

"Pardon?" Loki asked, blinking down at the Grandmaster.

"If you could go home, would you?"

The question seemed innocent enough, but Loki knew the consequences of giving wrong answers here. He thought he was secure enough in the Grandmaster's favor to allow for a few mistakes, but he still didn't want to make them.

"Once, I thought Asgard was my home," he said quietly after a long pause. "But that land of my childhood is long gone. I'm not sure it ever really existed, not the way I thought it did. I would not be welcome there anymore, even if I wanted to go back." Loki sighed. "And I do not want to."

"Good," the Grandmaster said, his voice a little slurred with sleepiness. "I don't want you to go."

Loki tried not to be too warmed by that. He knew well how fickle the Grandmaster could be, and he couldn't fool himself into thinking that his position was more secure than it was. Still, it was nice to know that someone wanted him, even if he knew the feeling probably wouldn't last.

"I won't," Loki said quietly, but the Grandmaster was already asleep. A part of him was glad; even as he spoke the words, he wasn't quite sure whether or not they were a lie.


End file.
